I knew, I just tried to ignore it. And it worked….for a couple of hours. It worked until I browsed through Sam’s Club and saw a shirt like one I bought for Robert. Dang! Tears fell and I gave up and let them. By 8 am, the journey of this day was set…two years today my beloved husband left this realm for another. Apparently, ignoring such anniversaries doesn’t work.
So I buried myself in things to do..things to distract me. I picked up my vacationing neighbors mail, joined my daughter for lunch, mailed cards and letters, launched a paint the kitchen project....that should work, right? Well, until I found the little cutting brush Robert bought me for our first house painting project together. Sigh....
The tears were gone when I climbed the ladder, but came again when I found a Christmas star on top of the kitchen cabinet...I have NO idea how it got there. (I put nativities up there, but not stars). I wondered who might have put it there, and remembered a conversation with a friend.
We were discussing ways we knew God was aware of us. Robert and I called them Tender Mercies and we kept a list of them. I explained how I often like to marvel over the idea that the same Creator who placed the stars in the Heavens knew the end from the beginning. As He created the sun and moon, he also planned the miraculous light that would announce Christ's birth. He set the stars and constellations that explained the Plan and He did it knowing we would look up and see them. He did it to remind us. In the same way that shirts and paintbrushes remind me of Robert, the sun, the moon and stars remind me of Him, and He planned it that way, a tender mercy of the greatest magnitude. "...and let them be for signs and for seasons, and for days and years." (Genesis 1:14) In my limited understanding, I am thankful for One who loves me that much. It's amazing to me.
"When I consider thy heavens, the work of thy fingers, the moon and the stars, which thou hast ordained. What is man, that thou art mindful of him?...O Lord our Lord, how excellent is thy name in all the earth!" (Psalms 8:3-4, 9)
So on this long, lonely day when I tried to forget, I am thankful for the chance to remember. I am thankful for the stars.
"These stars
They're more than beauty or for romance in the night
These stars are mine, as you are too.
And there is nothing I would rather see or do
Than to lead you on in darkness,
Give you hope when none seems there.
When sunlight fades, when night falls hard,
Remember Me
And these stars"
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