Sunday, September 16, 2012
The more things change....
Many people dislike change. Sometimes I am one of them. Change can be painful. Even when it looks good on the surface. That is the case for me this last month.
I wanted to stay right where I was. I liked my cute little house with the poppy covered mailbox and the Christmas shed built by my sweetheart. I wanted to stay near dear friends and to have everything just be the same. Except it wasn't the same. My sweetheart is not physically present and that makes a huge difference. For reasons I won't go into here, I knew there was only one choice; I couldn't stay.
Nervously, I began looking for another house. I reconsidered many times, but each time I did, something would happen to let me know I needed to move and that it was ok. True to the way Robert and I did things, the entire process moved fairly quickly once I settled into acceptance. People asked how I could leave. How could I stay? Isn't it hard to stay in the house with all those memories? It was harder to move away and be all alone. My sweetheart, confidant and caretaker was gone- unable to do things for me as he had in the past. Every move to a new home is filled with tons of little handyman projects- connect the washing machine; why isn't the hot water heater running; this needs to be mounted to the wall; this hose fitting doesn't work here; oh, that's what the AC sounds like in the middle of the night; this little thing, that little thing. The part of my life who did half of the little things wasn't present, and at every turn I was reminded of that. I would have much rather stayed right where I was and be reminded of it in familiar surroundings. As if facing hard things is easier when we are in our comfort box.
And then there are our children. They knew all the reasons, and they knew there was no choice. My kids were supportive, knowing how hard it was for everyone. His kids were supportive, even when it was hard for them. I'm sure it is and will be a bit strange to see familiar things in new surroundings. Just as it does for me, I'm sure it reminds them of the reason for the change. And it makes me want to be with them, all of them. To share happy things with them, and continue the living in the way Robert wants.
I have been so busy this week that I have not met this change with the same plan as I usually meet hard changes. As I reviewed the last couple of weeks, I recognized the hand of the Lord prominently in all that has happened. That alone gives me comfort. I've also received two blessings, one from a Priesthood leader and one from my sons which have reminded me of the need to greet the changes in my life as the next step and find joy in service and in my family. "Earth has no sorrow that Heaven cannot heal." What a gift!
And so this week I am making new plans for new traditions, new happy memories with old familiar things. My friends may live further away, but they are still here and still treasures in my life. I actually live closer to almost all of our kids (they call that Fortuosity). And as I look around me, I am looking forward to spending time with each and every one of our children and grandchildren- breakfasts, barbecues, dinners and more. I feel loved and happy and not nearly so alone. My life is rich with beautiful people. I am loved, not only by my sweetheart, but by my Heavenly Father. I am comforted by His Grace. And that has never changed.
"I love this life, even when it hurts;
Even when I'm weary from the race.
The Power of Heaven lifts me up in this day of Grace."
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